Monday, March 28, 2016

Monday Meandering



This is just getting plain ole silly now.

I mean, now it's all "OH, NOW I HAAH TO MAKE DUH BEEDEEO FOE DUH PEEPOH! CUH DUH PEEPOH DAY WAN TO SEE DUH BEEDEEO UB DAH FAAH GUH WUNNANE!"

I know what you're all thinking. Can that be true? Do the people really want the videos? HOW CAN YOU KNOW??? Well, I just do.

Don't get me wrong. I totes want to make duh beedeeos foe duh peepoh. And I love running. Or, you know, whatever you want to call what I do. It just so happens that I get as good of a workout - if not better - when I do my salsa walking (which, admittedly, is very little salsa and much more just dance walking) than when I run/jog/trot/*insert large lumbering adjective here.

And so it is for that reason, and maybe because I love you people, that I make these sort of sacrifices. You know, the videos. And boy, I totally went for it today. 60 minutes of unadulted (because it was completely non-adult of me in every way) questionably atheletic activity, forever ingrained in the fibers of the interwebs.

SIXTY minutes people! Six zero! I had to make up for all the running I didn't do last week on account of all the crappy rainy weather we had.

This #fatgirlrunning is having none of that inclement weather bs.

And so here it is. I honestly don't know how I'm going to top some of these videos. They are just too glorious. I'm even going to embarrass the hell out of myself (yes! embarrassment DOES occasionally strike this usually unflappable lass!) as a special shout out to Laura, Mary, Allison, Michelle, Dr. Baner, and any and everyone else who wants to come drive beside me whilst I huff and puff and toss inhalers at me.

These are for you. And I suppose for me. But mostly for you. ;)


It was SO incredibly beautiful out today! Spring, get here already!





As always, a welcome video to this blessed event.




And better late than never, the pre (sort of) run selfie!






So, Orion has this thing where there is some sort of swamp gas/sewer line/death stench the reeks up the town sometimes. It was extra spectacular today.





A little unafraid shimmy right outside the fancy-go-to-eatin' place. The song I'm listening to is "Maghalena" (I don't know why I am putting this link here, cuz ya'all mofos ain't e'en gonna listen) from one of my VERY favorite movies, Dance With Me (By the way, this is one of my VERY VERY favorite scenes from this movie! like, go watch it!).






For all of my coworkers and friends who just LOVE to see me wheeze... You know, I really want to put up a link to the song I was listening to (or maybe even the video...), but - again - ya'all shady cats won't bother listening to it. Trust me, it's so much better than my labored breathing. (Okay, so I put the video anyway. Just to humor myself, of course.)








I always love the way this cross looks in the sunlight. I'm just going to keep posting pictures of it, mkay? And why yes, I AM striking a pose. Just for you.





Nothing like a little Electric Light Orchestra to make any day extra fantastic.





And then this happened. Serendipitously recorded and everything!





So this was fun. I was thinking about how best to go about it and then I just went for it. Breathy, misspoken words and all. Oh, I do SO hope you enjoy.






And here is a wee little tease of my parody "Secret Asian Man". One of my favorites. The parody, not the video.




Okay, now this? THIS... I love so much. This is really what I do, like, pretty much all the time. Onlookers beware, #fatgirlrunning is NOT for the faint of heart.       I'll just be sitting at home awaiting my citation for vulgarity from the good citizens of quaint little Orion. For realsies, go watch The Dan Band. You won't be disappointed. (*Note the clever use of my actual movements in place of the lyrics)





At this point my phone could take no more. I had used all the remaining space. My phone's memory was packed tighter than a can of overstuffed sardines, overburdened with all of these little gems, carefully prepared for you. I know, I know. It's a total Bee Gees song. (A "Tragedy", get it? GET IT? Ugh...) But I think I made good use of my time today. Another beautiful day enjoyed to the utmost, and yet another run/walk/dance/jog gone down in a blaze of glory.

Smooches

~h 



Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Tuesday Trotting - The Abbreviated Version

Hola! 'Tis me again, right on track with my once weekly run. Tuesdays seem to be the witching day for me and my desire to hit the streets. I mean, it used to be Friday or Saturday nights you know. Out on the corner. Doing... NOTHING.

I never had my own corner.

ANYhoo... So yes. YES! I did get out for a wee little run. Nothing as impressive as last Wednesday, but I made my child wait on me whilst* I squeezed this little 20 minute run in. On a positive note, part of the reason I had so little time was because I decided to do some light housework.

I know, I know. You're all like "Get BACK, honkey cat!" But I'm Rosa Parks over here. No, I'm not a dead black woman. This is a reference back to my first Cockney phrase: Rosa Parks = totes serious. Just... it's a thing. Move along.

But I've taken too long! I'm keeping you in limbo, denying you what you have no doubt come to crave. I shall do so no longer.

Here it is! Fat Girl Running... take 4!



As expected, the pre-run selfie!





I haven't run this way before. This doesn't look like anything could pop out of it at all...




So I love listening to The Dan Band, especially the ABBA Medley. Especially when I run.





Yes, I'm still singing Dan Band. Trying to keep it chill whilst* I pass fellow Orionites.





This would be really scenic if it wasn't all gloomy, grim and death-y.





Wow. This has been a super boring run. What a total zero... *snicker





Man, I want a tire swing!





Okay, now here is where it gets good. So what you have to do is play The Stray Cat Strut along with watching my video. It's better that way. Really makes you feel like you are right there with me. And it helps to drown out the huffing and puffing accompanying my undeniably sweet moves. (At about 1:28 on the Stray Cat's video is what I'm dancing to)







Mrrrow!!!

Yes, I have issues.





This is how dedicated I was to my mini-run. I didn't even have socks! But I said "No, Heather. NO. You will run today. You WILL run!"






And run I did! Only about 1.42 miles. Pretty wusstastic. But there is always tomorrow! And you can bet I'll be back.

Until next time...

~fgr



(*I've decided to make it my mission to bring the word 'whilst' back into regular use. Prepare yourselves.)


Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Winded Wednesday!

I really liked the Tuesday Trotting title (alliteration!), but since I went running again today - AGAIN, I tell you! - I had to come up with another mellifluous moniker.

Welcome to Winded Wednesday!

Now that I've got my #videojogography in full effect, this is getting more and more fun (for me) and entertaining (for me). And it's an accurate first-hand look into my world and my mind's ADOLAS - Attention Deficit Oh-Look-A-Squirrel!

I love running outside because I LOVE nature. Clouds, trees, critters, the weird things I see on the ground or in the spaces around me. For this reason (and matters directly related to ADOLAS) I have discovered that I can almost assuredly never successfully run on a treadmill. I get bored and discouraged way too easily running on an endlessly rolling belt.

Armed with my childlike wonder and my ever-observant, keen eye I have become thoroughly infatuated with snapchatting my runs (Thanks, Amy!) through the magic of videojogography.

Which brings me to today. This is my 3rd time in... 8 days! Woofrickinhoo! I think I'm finally onto something here.

#Fatgirlrunning. Episode 3. Check it out!


Why yes, yes I am going to go running in this. #totescray


 
 

 Pretty sure this is the only vid with no singing, For that I'm terribly sorry.

 
 

How appropriate that when my own air supply is so desperately important that Air Supply should appear on my playlist. It just goes to show that there's never a bad time for Air Supply.

 
 

Glad this is all ahead of me. I'm too darn sweet - I'd melt!

 
 

Just one of those #AHA moments. And here is a special shoutout to my friend Nikhil. This one's for you!

 
 

Sky Duck! Or... Pterodactyl? Dragon? What do YOU see?

 
 

I am almost physically incapable of NOT taking pictures of the sky. I am in love with clouds!

 
 

Ok fine. So I didn't have a loaded six string on my back. But I was walkin' (mostly running) these streets, and I'm pretty sure I was playin' for keeps. HELL yes.

 
 

Am I the only one that regularly sees shapes, figures and scenes in clouds?

 

These pictures don't do this lovely evening justice. I really do like living in a small town.

 

Gargoyles! In Orion! (We needs them, Precious!)

 
 

Nearing the end. It's less about the need for speed and more about the need to pee.

 

Nearing the end selfie! #youwishyoulookedthisgood

 
 

Is that the moon? How fucking long have I been running???

 
 

 Sweet release! It's so very, very close!

 

Oh my god, it's the end!!!

 
 
 
I thought I'd never see you again, Ground Outside My Apartment Building! Now if only I can get back up off your sweet, welcoming embrace...
 
 





... you know, or not.

El fin! Stay tuned for Episode 4.

Smooches!

~fgr




Tuesday Trotting

So today I ran again. Woohoo! I mean, it's been a week between runs (remember my last post about my first recent run?) but hey, I am on a roll here. And I mean more than a cinnamon roll.

I'm still not fast. But I am thoroughly enjoying this whole snapchat-my-way-through-my-run thing I've started. It reminds me of that Zooey Deschanel movie where she takes people on a photography jog. But, you know, this is just me.

I went 2 miles this time. TWO! Still slow as hell, but still with the forward moving, up & down motion often known as 'running'.


So I decided an introductory video was in order. Obviously, right?

 
 
 

Who listens to this music? What kind of creature am I???




I'm clearly enjoying this videojogography way too much.

 
 
 
 

I am running the same route as last week, because here's the cross again. I just love the way it looks when the sun hits it, even when the sun is barely shining.

 
 
 
 

Pretty scenery!





Annnd it's official. I have the oddest running playlist in the history of ever.

 
 
 
 

No explanation needed.

 

 

 

 

This is a preview of my Salsa Walking. I can't imagine why I have yet to convince anyone to come join me in this venture. More like ADventure! Am I right?

 
 
 
 
There you have it. Me in all my glory, doing that thing I do oh-so...sort of well. But I'm doing it! Because I am...
 
...Fat Girl Runnin!
 
~fgr


Tuesday, March 8, 2016

Sweet lil 8lb 5oz baby jesus...

So I decided today was the day. Actually, I've done that several days recently. But today - this glorious, beautiful day - I made it THE day.

I got off my lazy butt and turned once again into the superhero of my yesteryear.

I am... FGR. Fat Girl Running! Able to leap tall buildings in a single...nope. Faster than a speeding...tortoise! Yes! Definitely that.

I know you are all desperately proud of me. You probably wish you could have been with me today to share this joyous occasion (that's one of the reasons I love you all so much).

Well guess what??? You CAN share it with me! Because I wasted precious energy and battery life snapchatting my good friend Amy all about it!

So... Here ya go. FGR's illustrious return to the urban landscape. Uh, rural landscape. You know, whatever. Just have a looksee.


This is me just starting out. That's my apartment building in the background!
(If you look closely, you might even be able to make out the
delicate flapping of the ripped window screen...)

 
 
 
I am SO feeling the gorgeousness of this day! Just LOOK at the sunlight beaming on my face!
 



But seriously. It's time for a for real pre-run selfie.
 



Ok. I'm totes serious now. I'm even captioning and everything! This is IT!
 
 
 
 
Annnd reality has reared its spiteful, ugly head.

 
 
 
Again, not for the first time in my life, I question my decision-making skills.
 
 
 
 
Now I'm throwing in random song lyrics according to what's playing on my
Pandora 80's throwback station...
 
 
 
 
Oh hey, what's that smell? *sniff
Fresh country air? *looks around
Nope.



 
"Sweet lil 8lb, 5 oz, baby jesus, all wrapped up in yer little swaddling clothes, watching yer Baby Einstein videos, learning all about yer colors and yer shapes..."
Why, exactly, did I decide I needed to go for a run again?
 
 
 
 
Again with the regret!
 
 
 
 
Help me, police! Help me, Sting!

 
 
 
So not attractive. Please don't stare directly at the rhythmic motion of my corpulent midsection. I can't be held responsible for what might result.
 




I might be dying. But hey... you're never too dead to sing. Amiright???
 
 
 
 
And there you have it, folks.
 
I ran for... 23ish minutes? My Pandora was being a sissy whiner and kept shutting off because I was running on the last bit of juice my phone could muster. It teased me with a snippet of Brown Eyed Girl, followed by a taste of the above karaoked You're the Inspiration, and finally - not to be outdone (by whom I have no idea) the tiniest bit of Journey's Don't Stop Believin'. And just when I decided that I would, in fact, NOT stop believin'... my phone shut off. Sonofamotherlessgoat. At that point my brain proceeded to play my Rocket by Def Leppard - my "Power Song", according to my iPod nano, and I powered through the last few feet of my run.
 
I did it! And I did not die! I had ended at the park, however, where my unfortunately ever-present, #fkncatshoes loving ex and his mother were chilling with his kids. Hoping the water fountains had been turned on for the season (because this fat girl was parched!) (they weren't), I took a nice, inconspicuous stroll through the park, undetected by the oblivious duo. Having escaped with only the slightest pang of irritation at having had to cross paths with them I headed home. Where I flopped spread eagle on the lawn in front of my building.
 
Yay me!!!
 
I went and clocked my route with my car, and as it turns out (or as my lying car would have me believe) I ran about 1.7 miles! Not bad for having done nothing exceptionally aerobic in 6 or so months.
 
Yay again! And here's to another day of fantastically non-speedy running that will hopefully keep me moving ridiculously slowly toward my fitness goals and dreams of eventual weight loss.
 

 

Monday, February 20, 2012

Day... um... (looking for calendar)...

(...adjusting for flux in the Time-Space Continuum... subtracting the color Green...)

So you know how The Doctor has ideas of where he wants to take Rose or Donna or how he has every intention of getting right back to little Amy Pond but the Tardis has other ideas?

Yeah, so me not getting back to my blog is TOTALLY like that.

I last left off with day 3 - no running and at least one Shamrock shake enjoyed - and the promise of something hip and new forthcoming. Skip ahead a week. By the human measure of time, of course. (In Time Lord time I've just barely had a good night of sleep.) And here we are again! I've missed you... *sniff

A lot has happened in the last... few hours* since last we met:
      - Zumba arrived! Yay!!!
      - Several (4 to be precise) thoroughly enjoyable outings with a new friend
      - Several more Shamrock shakes found their way home (home=my belly)
      - Many new songs learned on my concertina! (Dad is quite happy with this, I think)
      - I finally started working out again. :-)

Aha! The intended purpose of this blog finally has a Muse! While I haven't actually started running, per se, today marks Day 2 of me working out. After a solid week+ of no such thing, I'm calling that a win.

Yesterday (Sunday) it was Zumba Activate for this ole girl. A heart-pounding, exhilirating latin romp in the comforts of my living room. Thank goodness, because I can't be out shakin' all this junk in public. It's just not fair to all the other women out there to flaunt what I got. I covered a lot of ground, too, in that 40 minute workout. I merengued my youngest son Caeden by the ear into my bedroom for a much needed time out. Then I salsa-slid my way over to my oldest son Brennan to give him a good reaming for some 14 year old insubordination he was partaking in. And I'm pretty sure that at one point when Caeden was on the floor in my 'dance space' I cumbia-d him in the side in a clever and successful attempt to roll him out of the way. A success any way you slice it.

Today (Monday) I got out of work early and, since I was conveniently dressed and ready for a workout, I headed over to my VERY FAVORITEST workout place, CFX - Chiro Fitness Xtreme in Rock Island (moot point for anyone not from the QC's, but to that I say hey - look it up!). Got my butt kicked severely by the Warrior Endurance class today, but it felt great. Left the gym 45 minutes later with visions of running in my head. Alas, back at the ranch, a comfy couch, a warm feline named Roxy and a long weekend on call combined like Wonder Twin powers and took the shape of a Nap.

To top off this wonderfully un-Monday Monday? A nice, but short, Blacklist practice. I will take that, thank you very much.

Let's tally NOW, shall we?

Running - goose egg
Working out - i | |
Life - | | |
Friends - | | | | |
Shamrock Shake - | | | | | |

Oooo... It looks like Shamrock Shake is winning so far. But not for long! Stay tuned, friends. It's about to get good.

~f.g.r.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Day 3

(technically the wee hours of the Day 4 morning, but I'm not nit-picking)

Had a not horrible day today. It started with bacon - as all good days should - and ended with great company and a rip-roaring game of Backgammom. I lost, but winning wasn't necessarily my objective. It was great fun relearning an old game with a new friend.

Friends - |

What... what's up? How was my run today? Ohhh... yeah, so about that.

Running - goose egg

Yep, didn't get that pesky training run in today, either.

BUT! I did (cue super excited high school cheerleader voice) I did order the Zumba dvd set online last night! Woohoo! I am WAY more excited about that than I should be. But I love Zumba! And I can't wait to get down with some Beto and get my latin groove on. I'm gonna go ahead and give myself a half tally in the brand new Workout category for that purchase.

Workout -i (<--for future reference, that's a half-tally)

Okay, since this post has now become terribly boring (and you've gone back to fully devoting you time to watching that informercial on bladder control problems) I'll cut if off here, with the promise of something hip and fresh for tomorrow's update.

That's right! Hip! Fresh! All that jazz!

Before you leave, don't forget our regularly featured feature (original!) - the Total Running Tally, heretofor referred to as TReaT:

Running - nottating, mon
Workout - i
Life - |||
Friends - |
Shamrock Shake - |

Remember, tomorrow it's hip!

~f.g.r.

Day 2 - Final Report

Well, of course I didn't get any running in today. I was on call at work, which meant my day didn't end till shortly (ha!) after 8:30 tonight. Way, way too late to run, nevermind the fact that I was in no mood or condition to even be persuaded to do so.

Life - |

I did, however, have one grand success today. My first Shamrock Shake of the season. Ahh, sweet, sweet nectar. I also got no cleaning, no practicing, and no writing done. But again, I did conquer at solid one third of a Shamrock Shake. I'm gonna go ahead and call that a win.

Shamrock Shake - |

Short one today, peeps, so here is the updated tally, Day 3:

Running - nada
Life - |||
Shamrock Shake - | (it's that time of year, this category will definitely be a contender)

Until next time...

~f.g.r.


Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Day 2 (pre-inevitable non-running)

Here I sit, staring at my unfinished, over-ketchuped scrambled eggs (my fault), regretting my half cup of diet pop, and thinking about writing.

I miss it. I miss my cheesy, I-swear-it's-not-a-ripoff-of-everything-else-going-around supernatural romance. I miss my characters. I think they miss me, too.

Revelation time, folks. While it's true that I am anxiously awaiting the time to get my registration in for the Marine Corps Marathon, and that I seriously will at some point start training for it, I really just want to start writing again.

So... I will. And you will like it.

~f.g.r.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Day 1 - (cue letdown music)

So much as I expected, today was a day filled with no running. There was work, a brief sitting down period after work, and then driving. Too much driving.

BUT! As promised, I did do other things today. Two things, in fact. 2 - count them! Ah ah ah!

1. Played the concertina with Dad tonight.

We have a little Irish band that is in its 5th (6th?) incarnation, in which I play the concertina. I also play the spoons, the bones, other random percussion and sing. Oh yeah, I got it like that. (nerd*cough) Anyway, so I've been in need of practice so that I can add more songs to my repertoire. Since I play by ear and not by sight, I just need to sit down with my dad and hammer out a few thousand wrong notes until the right ones find their way to my fingertips.

Didn't do too bad, either. I've got the beginnings of almost 3 new songs underway that, with a bit more practice, I'll have on the brain enough to work on perfecting. Yay for practice!

Life - |

2. Played improv with The Blacklist (you can visit us here - and please do!: http://www.facebook.com/#!/blacklistcomedy).

I love these guys! They are the most fun, laid back, incredibly talented fellas I've had the pleasure to play with. We, The Blacklist, are a group of improv artists who - in case you didn't know - get up on stage in front of an audience and play improvisational games based off of cues and suggestions from the crowd. Amazingly fun.

So we had practice tonight, which I always enjoy. But I found out that apparently I really suck at guessing games. At least sometimes. Like tonight.

Usually I'm a pretty good guesser. It doesn't hurt that the guys are pretty rockin' mimes, either. But tonight it was like my brain took a sick day to play hookey. I wasn't getting the big picture, I was guessing too quickly, and my mime & gibberish responses back to my team were lackluster and sickly. I felt so out of touch that I almost gave up. I was a bit disappointed with my weaksauce guessing, but the guys were nice about it. We all have our moments, after all. Can't let that get me down though. I love it too much and really, when it comes down to it, I'm not all that bad. (Ouch! Man that cramps, patting myself on the back like that.) At least now I know one for sure area that I need to hone.

Life - |

Okay, people, it's getting late. Time to cut the crap and do a tally:

Marathon training - zip
All-important Life - ||

Hey, I warned you this could happen. jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
(and apparently, so can all of those j's & f's. especially when you fall asleep at the keyboard with a heavy homerow pointer finger)

TTFN friends

~f.g.r.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Ooorah marathon!

Marine Corps Marathon, October, 2012.

That's my deadline.

Last year in September I ran my first ever half marathon. That's 13.1 miles, for those not in the know (don't feel bad, I'm just barely in the know, myself). After that, for some reason in the realm of insanity, I decided I wanted to run a full marathon. Being a former United States Marine - ooorah! - my only real choice is the Marine Corps Marathon.

But see, a person needs to do a bit more training for a full-on 26.2 mile trek. Especially when that someone is me. A gal with more than the average runner's share of... ahem... insulation? Yeah, that's it. So here I am. A full month into the new year and nary a run having run.

I am in trouble.

But lo, what inspiration through yonder calendar breaks? Ok, so maybe it's more that I got these really comfy super awesome (and pretty) running shoes (which I needed anyway). Or that it's Sunday, which means tomorrow is Monday - duh! - and a great time to start on the marathon training schedule I've already downloaded from the internet twice. Or... that I'm slowly losing the weight loss competition we've got going on at work and it's high time I get off my ass and start working it off.

So here it is. The latest and greatest in my attempts to blog. I have a plan! Sort of! I'll blog about my marathon training progress. Whether it actually progresses or not is kind of irrelevant. I'll find something to talk about either way.

Here's to new beginnings, old rants, and new pants. Maybe.

Signing off for now,

heather ~ f.g.r. (fat girl running)

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Flash fiction - it's a first!

Here ya go. A flash fiction piece based on prompts from Regan Leigh's blog. Feel free to let me know what you think...



I used to stay away from the woods.

Silly, I know. But for a guy who grew up watching every slasher movie ever made – where all the best slashes happen after some helpless, clueless, shoeless girl wanders out of the cabin/house/tent and into the dark and menacing woods nearby wearing nothing but a nightgown and a look of horror – ‘the woods’ hold a special place of loathing in my heart. If I must venture forth into the wooded unknown, I’m smart about it – daytime, cell phone, well-hydrated, never too far from the tree line. Bowie knife. As a general rule, however, the woods and I don’t get along.

Then there was Katelyn. The new girl on campus, she moved into the dorms just after fall semester started. Every guy in Adams Hall wanted a piece of that action, but she was untouchable. Chicks that hot didn’t mix fluids with the peon first years in Adams. So naturally, when she spoke to me, I assumed she was talking to someone else. She had to tap me on the shoulder to get my attention. When I looked up I saw this goddess. She bobbed her head as she spoke, and her hair swished across her face. One time she had to pull a few strands from between her lips. Her glossy, plump, juicy – oh and then she laughed and touched my arm and whoa. It was like a mini dose of the electric chair. That perked me right up. She was asking me if I could give her a tour of the campus grounds, show her where the different halls were, the party houses, that sort of thing. I couldn’t form words but I could move, so I nodded yes. And then the giggle and the touch and a kiss on my cheek and she was gone. Thank God I remembered the time: 7:30pm. Tonight. Adams’ front steps.

After my last class I headed to my room and spent the rest of the afternoon bustin’ out what homework I could. It was 6:57pm when I looked at the clock. Just enough time to get my triple-S on – shit, shower and shave – and head out to the front of the building.

The sun was setting, so as she sauntered over to my perch on the steps she was bathed in this pinky gold haze. Her brown hair floated between her shoulders in loose curls and her eyes sparkled like the shimmer in her lip gloss. She was wearing a long, white dress that ruffled with the breeze and some sort of sweater thing over her shoulders. Before I could say a word, she glided up the steps, reached down and wound her arm around mine and we were walking.

Everything was hazy and surreal. Her words drifted through my head like a dream, and it was like she was leading me around campus, not the way other way around. But it was comfortable and nice and I went with it. When we finally decided we’d seen it all we headed back to Adams. But then Katelyn made a turn toward the back of the dorm. That’s when I started to get a grip on my senses again.
She was walking us straight toward the woods.

“Not really much to see back here, Katelyn.” My voice sounded strange.

“Just looking for a little privacy ‘s all.” Katelyn’s voice sounded different, too.

I knew I wouldn’t be able to hide my growing fear, but I didn’t care. The tree line was really close now. “There’s all the privacy you want back in my room, my roommate’s outtie for the weekend.”

“Nope. The woods are perfect. Come on, you’ll love it.” There was a grating edge to her voice and she tightened her grip on my arm as she sped me through the first few feet of the woods.

“No thanks, girl. Think I’ll just head back in.” I tried to slow my pace but she held on tighter and her head swiveled back to glare at me. “What the – ” Her shoulders were still facing forward as she continued to speed through the trees. My heart flipped and twisted in my chest as Katelyn’s swivel head turned back around and the last of the campus lights faded into the night.

There wasn’t the slightest hint of a wind, but I could hear the trees start to rustle. It sounded like they were rustling to each other. To the left. Over to the right. Left. Then right. In front of me, Katelyn’s head jerked right and left as the trees rustled back and forth, like watching a ping-pong game, and she sped faster through the trees. I don’t know how she wasn’t running into them in the dark like that. It was almost like they cleared the way for her.

Then she stopped.

The rustling stopped.

And we were standing in a clearing surrounded by trees.

Katelyn let go of me and stepped away and I tried to run, but something wound itself around my feet and I fell to my knees. I reached down, felt a jagged vine there and gave it a tug. With that tug, Katelyn came barreling into me feet first, screeching, the vine an extension of one of her legs. An instant later she shot straight up and let out a howl like a creaking tree. She looked down at me and thick, woody vines shot out of her mouth and through my body, pinning me to the ground there. The pain was hot, searing and everywhere. My scream only lasted a few seconds before roots grew down my throat and burst through the back of my neck. The last thing I felt was my body stretching, like something pulling me in a dozen different directions.

“Look at this, students. We’ve got two trees who’ve grown together. Notice how the trunks twist around one another. One tree was probably stronger than the other. Now look over here…”

I hate the woods.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Okay, Dad, this one's for you.

So, again, years have past and I've forgotten all about this blog. To quote my favorite giraffe, Gerald, I feel like such a clot. ;)

But all is not lost! For one thing, I've started blogging again, albeit on a different site, but blogging nonetheless. The other thing is that I'll keep this site up, too. I feel bad starting and stopping then abandoning these poor things. Besides, my dad likes this one. ;)

So - again - I'm back!

More to come, I promise.

~h

Monday, January 4, 2010

It's January, and I'm not getting any younger.

(screen was left open since late last night when my brain flipped the 'sleep' switch, so now it's Jan 5th)

I'm not quite sure what I'm aiming for here, but I wanted to start something. Hey, I guess I just did!

So there are three things I'm aiming for this year and here they are, in no particular order:

1. Finish my book and get it submitted.
2. Lose weight.
3. Become a girlfriend

Simple enough, right? Ha! Not if you know me. So here goes... Day -1 of my Great Attempt. Let's see what tomorrow brings...


~h

Thursday, September 17, 2009

LS - pt 3

She sighed, and just enjoyed the moment, him sitting close beside her, dreading closing time as much as she was.

As if her brain was helping her along, the Elvis Presley tune “It’s Now or Never” started playing in her head. She couldn’t just let this night end here, hoping for a phone number or a second date, no matter what any relationship book or well-intentioned friend might have urged.

“So...” Kate began, not quite sure how to finish. Smiling into his half empty glass, and scooping out an ice cube, he picked up where she had left off. “You ready to head home yet?” She held back a smile, and managed to respond with a nonchalant “Not really.”

He gave her a sly little smile. “Neither am I. Let’s go.” With that, he stood up, downed the rest of his water and grabbed her by the hand. She grabbed her purse just before he helped her out of the booth, and asked him where they were going. “You let me worry about the details” he mysteriously replied, and at that point she was glad she was a step behind him, because the smile on her face would have told him more than he needed to know at that point.

He led Kate out the front door to the parking lot, and right up to a nicely restored, black ’65 Mustang. Opening the passenger door for her, he bowed and said “After you.” “Why thank you, sir” she offered back, and with a little curtsy she lowered herself into the car. As he shut the door, reality struck. It was almost 2am, and she would need to be getting home soon. Why couldn’t this all have started sooner?

She felt the car jostle slightly as he opened the door and slid into the driver’s seat. He flashed another one of those brilliant smiles and started the car. The engine rumbled with a smooth, loud purr as he backed out of his spot. She was obviously still thinking about her curfew, because he caught a hint of it on her face. “What’s wrong? Are you nervous?” he teased. She relaxed a bit at that, inhaling deep and enjoying the antique smell of the vintage car. “That’s not it” Kate said. “It’s just that… well, I can’t be out too much later.” She was sure that he picked up on her disappointment. She just hoped it didn’t come across too strong. “Oh, don’t worry about that. I’ll get you back to your car before pumpkin time.” She giggled a little, and he laughed in return, placing his hand on her thigh, just above her knee, and giving her a little squeeze. She caught her breath at that moment, not expecting so friendly a touch from him. But she was so glad he did it.

From then on they drove in silence to the mysterious destination he had in mind. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, though. The windows were down, allowing the night breeze to flow freely throughout the car; the air was dry and the perfect mix of cool and warm. He hadn’t removed his hand from her thigh yet, and so Kate took a chance and moved her left hand alongside her leg just close enough to barely brush his fingers, and he did just as she hoped, taking her hand in his, lacing his fingers between hers. She felt her heart race a little and smiled, but out of the corner of her eye caught him glancing over at her. Kate’s gaze met Wyatt’s, and gave her a wink as he squeezed her hand. So far, this had been the perfect night.

As they came up to a stoplight Kate looked around and noticed they were near the entrance to the state park. Wyatt yielded then continued, taking a right at the light. Just past that light, though, he took a quick left and she knew where he was going. It was a little wooded area right along the Rock River where casual fishers sometimes visited. Kate remembered fishing there a time or two.

Coming down the winding drive to the parking stalls, Wyatt pulled up and parked horizontal to the curb, ignoring the faded lines marking how he should park, and turned off the car. “Come on” he said, as he reached across her midsection with his free hand, letting the weight of his body rest heavy against hers. Then he flipped up the handle and opened her door from the inside. Before she knew it, he was back in his seat and opening his own door. Kate set her purse on the floorboard and stepped out of the car. She was almost immediately met by Wyatt, who had swiftly arrived just in time to shut her door for her. He once again took her by the hand and headed down to the edge of the tree line and toward the river. ‘I like this’ Kate thought to herself as she followed Wyatt to the water’s edge. It was a full moon that night, and it reflected off the still, glassy surface of the river like a bright white sun.

She found herself mesmerized by it, almost as she had been by Wyatt at the beginning of the night. That had her following him blindly, without any care of her own about watching her step. As luck would have it, her luck anyway, her right foot met up with a firmly planted but upraised root and she nearly fell, face first, into the moist earth. Nearly, that is, because somehow she ended up in Wyatt’s arms instead. He had managed to take a knee and scoop her up into his arms before she actually hit the ground, or even came close.

“Whoops” he said, as he chuckled softly. Kate began to protest about the dark of the night and the height of the root, but Wyatt simply held up a finger and mouthed “Shhh.” He lifted Kate to her feet with ease and walked her, his arm securely around her waist, a little further until they came to a tree. It was alive, but partially uprooted. The trunk of the lazy tree lay across the ground, as the branches raised upward, rising higher as they jutted out over the water.

The first of the branches were low and strong enough to hold both of them. Instead, Wyatt gentlemanly held her hand and helped her atop the nearest branch. It was high enough so that they were now about eye level with each other. From her perch she stared out at the eerily calm water and shivered slightly. It wasn’t chilly, really, but there was a cool breeze that the fabric of her three-quarter sleeve shirt wasn’t able to fend off. Wyatt moved into position behind her and wrapped his arms around her body snugly. The heat coming from his body warmed her with a quickness, and she could have melted right there in his arms.

Just then, he leaned in and whispered in her ear. “This is one of my favorite places in the whole world”, he admitted. “It’s beautiful”, Kate agreed. “But it’s so much more than that!” With a childlike excitement, he continued. “Close your eyes, Kate”, he whispered. She of course obeyed. Craning his neck to make sure she did as he asked, he went on. “Now, just listen.”
Kate took a deep breath and did just that. The breeze brushed across her body a little more noticeably, she thought, but that might just be a heightening of her senses. She could hear the leaves rustle softly, but distinctly, all around her, and she could even hear the occasional splash of a fish jumping out of the water somewhere nearby. The normally overpowering song of the cicadas sounded more rhythmic, melodic even, with the croak of some amphibian breaking into the melody now and again.

She could smell the moisture in the air, mixed with the crispness of the cool foliage, the earthy aroma of the moist ground, and the scent of him. It was some cologne, to be sure, but she couldn’t tell which, but there was also something more, something… warm, spicy, and sweet. And even though the scent was faint now, it was almost intoxicating. Mixed with the natural scents in the night air it was downright exhilarating.

She reached her arms around her waist, tracing the length of his arms. Finally reaching his hands, she laced her fingers between his. She could hear her heart, thumping louder and faster in her chest as he rested his chin on her shoulder and wrapped his arms tighter around her. He drew her body closer to his own with that, and she could feel the thumping of his heart against her back. She could have sworn she felt it quicken when hers did.

As she sat there, taking in deep lung fulls of his luscious scent and leaning back into his sturdy frame, a sobering thought came into focus. Sitting up like a shot she asked “What time is it?” “Almost 2:45.” “Gah!” She sighed heavily as she slumped back into his arms for one last time. “I hate to say this, but… I’ve got to go.”

She was expecting words when his body replied instead. He swept her up into her arms and turned back to face the way they came and started heading back. “That’s okay, it is getting pretty late. Besides, I knew I couldn’t keep you out here forever.” He looked down at her and gave her his goofy, playful smile again, and she couldn’t help but giggle. If it had been some other time in her life, she would have gladly stayed at her perch in that tree, in his arms until morning.

As it was, she was glad for the time they had. And she liked where she was now: her less than frail frame draped across his arms, being whisked away effortlessly back to his car. ‘He really makes great time’ she mused, seeming to recall that it took much longer to get to the tree than it had taken to get back to his car.

He set her on her feet and opened her door for her once again as he headed around to the other side and got in himself. The sound of their doors slamming shut echoed as one, and before she knew it the car had rumbled to life and they were heading back up the twisting little exit and back to the main road. As he checked for traffic he caught a glimpse of the disappointment on her face, and replaced his hand back on her thigh, palm up this time, beckoning with his fingers for her hand. She smiled and placed her hand on his, and they rode in silence back to Kate’s car.

She was starting to get butterflies in her stomach as they cruised closer and closer to the bar where they had started, and of course, her car, because it meant that all of this would soon end. So the butterflies weren’t the welcome kind, but more like the nerve-wracking how-will-I-know-if-I’ll-ever-see-him-again kind. She hated this feeling, because it meant that she had let herself fall too hard, too fast for this guy whom she barely knew. Not that she was a stranger to this sort of thing, but it never ended well when it started this way.

Kate could tell by the scenery that they were mere minutes from her car. Her brain raced to think of some plan, or scheme, or Hail Mary play that might guarantee her another meeting with Wyatt. He must have sensed something was going on. Wyatt squeezed Kate’s hand again, running his thumb back and forth across the back of her hand and smiled, never taking his eyes from the road. “There’ll be other nights” he reassured her. She let out a breath she didn’t realize she had been holding and her heart jumped a beat because, as had happened so many other times tonight, his words seemed to come in answer to her thoughts.

But then a slew of crazy thoughts started running through her head, thoughts of Wyatt as a serial killer, a married man just looking for fun, and a number of other equally ridiculous possibilities. Fortunately, her better sense broke through her tirade of insane thoughts. ‘Why am I doing this? Isn’t this what I’ve hoped for all night: a second date?’ It had been, of course. Honestly, after a night like tonight she’d have liked nothing short of a marriage proposal, but she would settle for another night with him.

Wyatt pulled into the lot and began, “So, let me guess…” He let the car idle in place for a moment as they both spotted the only car left in the lot. She laughed a nervous little chuckle and squeezed his hand. He laughed, too, as he pulled up along the driver’s side of her car and threw the gear into park. She grabbed her purse and checked the floor by her feet, making sure she wasn’t forgetting anything. She was also trying to stall for time. In fact, she was so engrossed in her stalling technique that she didn’t even notice he had gotten out of the car and already made his way over to her side. She gasped and practically leapt out of her seat when her door swung open.

“Lose something?” Wyatt asked. “Nope. Just making sure I have everything.” Kate quickly stepped out of the car, but not before she took Wyatt’s outstretched hand. He still had a hold of it after he had shut her door, and he gently spun her around to face him directly. “Kate” he said, in that silky tone she remembered from earlier this evening, “I had an amazing time tonight.” His eyes shone and twinkled as he spoke, and she saw the tiniest hint of him biting his lower lip. She couldn’t tear her eyes from his face. She reached down and grabbed for his other hand. “So did I. It was really one of the best times I’ve had in a long time.” Kate looked down as she embarrassingly admitted that last bit, but Wyatt reached up and took her face in his left hand. He traced his fingers along her jaw from her ear to her chin, held her chin between his fingers and lifted her head so she’d be looking at him once again. “Let’s do this again sometime.” Wyatt smiled at her and, with her hand still in his, placed their hands around her waist. “Deal.”

Wyatt let go of her chin and let his hand wander around to the back of her neck where her started running his fingers through her hair and pulled her in close for a hug. He freed her other hand so she could wrap her arms around him. She couldn’t pinpoint what she was feeling at that moment. She felt warm. She felt safe. And she felt, she knew, that he was different. She could tell that he just might be the real deal. Everything about him, his words, his touch, his eyes, they held so much honesty that she gave up trying to fight against it. At least for right now, for that moment, she was going to enjoy him.

But with a kiss on the top of her head, Wyatt did what Kate would have had a hard time doing. “Time to go, Kate”, he said, then gave her one last big squeeze and let her go. “I’ll see you again soon, don’t worry.” He winked at her as he said this, opening her door for her. He made sure she was in, then shut her door and headed back around to his side of the car. Kate rifled through her purse for her keys, tossing the bag on the passenger seat after she found them. She started the car and rolled down her window, wanting to say one more goodbye, but he was already gone. She sat there just a minute before pulling out and heading back to her place. Man, he was quick when he put his mind to it.

Luckily for her she didn’t live far, because she was getting pretty tired. As she pulled up in front of her house, she put parked the car and checked the time on her phone: 3:10am. “Crap!” She got out of the car and ran up the stairs to her front door, jamming the key clumsily in the slot and finally managing to get the door open. The lights were off but the TV was still on. “Sorry I’m so late, hon“, Kate said as she shut the door behind her.