Tuesday, March 8, 2016

Sweet lil 8lb 5oz baby jesus...

So I decided today was the day. Actually, I've done that several days recently. But today - this glorious, beautiful day - I made it THE day.

I got off my lazy butt and turned once again into the superhero of my yesteryear.

I am... FGR. Fat Girl Running! Able to leap tall buildings in a single...nope. Faster than a speeding...tortoise! Yes! Definitely that.

I know you are all desperately proud of me. You probably wish you could have been with me today to share this joyous occasion (that's one of the reasons I love you all so much).

Well guess what??? You CAN share it with me! Because I wasted precious energy and battery life snapchatting my good friend Amy all about it!

So... Here ya go. FGR's illustrious return to the urban landscape. Uh, rural landscape. You know, whatever. Just have a looksee.

This is me just starting out. That's my apartment building in the background!
(If you look closely, you might even be able to make out the
delicate flapping of the ripped window screen...)

I am SO feeling the gorgeousness of this day! Just LOOK at the sunlight beaming on my face!

But seriously. It's time for a for real pre-run selfie.

Ok. I'm totes serious now. I'm even captioning and everything! This is IT!
Annnd reality has reared its spiteful, ugly head.

Again, not for the first time in my life, I question my decision-making skills.
Now I'm throwing in random song lyrics according to what's playing on my
Pandora 80's throwback station...
Oh hey, what's that smell? *sniff
Fresh country air? *looks around

"Sweet lil 8lb, 5 oz, baby jesus, all wrapped up in yer little swaddling clothes, watching yer Baby Einstein videos, learning all about yer colors and yer shapes..."
Why, exactly, did I decide I needed to go for a run again?
Again with the regret!
Help me, police! Help me, Sting!

So not attractive. Please don't stare directly at the rhythmic motion of my corpulent midsection. I can't be held responsible for what might result.

I might be dying. But hey... you're never too dead to sing. Amiright???
And there you have it, folks.
I ran for... 23ish minutes? My Pandora was being a sissy whiner and kept shutting off because I was running on the last bit of juice my phone could muster. It teased me with a snippet of Brown Eyed Girl, followed by a taste of the above karaoked You're the Inspiration, and finally - not to be outdone (by whom I have no idea) the tiniest bit of Journey's Don't Stop Believin'. And just when I decided that I would, in fact, NOT stop believin'... my phone shut off. Sonofamotherlessgoat. At that point my brain proceeded to play my Rocket by Def Leppard - my "Power Song", according to my iPod nano, and I powered through the last few feet of my run.
I did it! And I did not die! I had ended at the park, however, where my unfortunately ever-present, #fkncatshoes loving ex and his mother were chilling with his kids. Hoping the water fountains had been turned on for the season (because this fat girl was parched!) (they weren't), I took a nice, inconspicuous stroll through the park, undetected by the oblivious duo. Having escaped with only the slightest pang of irritation at having had to cross paths with them I headed home. Where I flopped spread eagle on the lawn in front of my building.
Yay me!!!
I went and clocked my route with my car, and as it turns out (or as my lying car would have me believe) I ran about 1.7 miles! Not bad for having done nothing exceptionally aerobic in 6 or so months.
Yay again! And here's to another day of fantastically non-speedy running that will hopefully keep me moving ridiculously slowly toward my fitness goals and dreams of eventual weight loss.


1 comment:

  1. Maybe you can inspire me to start walking at the very least. I'm a fat girl too! Woo!