Sunday, February 15, 2009

Hey! Guess what?

I have no patience.

For anything. (Thaht's a fahct!)

Yes, I am a mom. Some might think that automagically equips me with some sort of patience. I, however, beg to differ. But... I digress.

I have no patience for the thing that I desire most. Why oh why must I be ever-increasingly bombarded with examples of the very thing I hope to find?

I am not a content single person. I have tried to be... I think. But even if I haven't whole-heartedly tried, I still can't imagine I would have succeeded. I have too much to offer and too much that I want to give to the man that will have me to sit around while one after the other passes me by. I can deal, for the most part, with guys who don't want to date me, either after getting to know me or even before they do.

What I canNOT deal with, however, is the men that come along that get me for who I am.
Like me for who I am.
Enjoy me in all my obstinance, flambouyance, unique and ridiculous ways.
Say I'm the bee's knees, the coolest thing since sliced bread, a downright amazing person.

And let me go.
Or, my personal favorite, are already with the woman of their dreams.

As much as I enjoy the compliments, the companionship and the friendships that inevitably erupt from some of these situations, what gets harder and harder to swallow is the fact that yet another amazing man is (not-so) incredibly NOT mine for the asking.

And sad. Did I mention how sometimes sad it is for me to see a man with all (or many) of the qualities I hope to find lavishing the woman of his dreams with those qualities instead of me? No, wait... that sounds covetous. Let's see if I can rephrase. Because I don't want to be a homewrecker, or to steal what someone else has been blessed with.

I want my own happily ever after. With my very own man, who loves me for all that I am, good or bad, and who will fight through all of his better judgement to keep me and our marriage strong. I don't want a man who can read my mind, just one who will be bold enough to ask me what's on it when he senses something's amiss. I want a man who loves me enough for who I am that he can help me move toward being the best me that I can be. I want a man who sees in me not someone who will complete him and make him whole (because only God can do that), but sees in me someone who will compliment his life and make his journey whole, as much as he will do for me and mine.

So, patience or no patience, this whole meeting/dating/befriending/whatevering men who continue to possess (and in newer and greater depths) these important qualities that I hope to one day find in the man who will marry me... is starting to wear on me.

Part of me wonders, no, actually thinks, that I would be better served by not meeting these men at all. I mean then, at least (and in theory), I wouldn't know what I was missing...


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