Monday, March 28, 2016

Monday Meandering

This is just getting plain ole silly now.


I know what you're all thinking. Can that be true? Do the people really want the videos? HOW CAN YOU KNOW??? Well, I just do.

Don't get me wrong. I totes want to make duh beedeeos foe duh peepoh. And I love running. Or, you know, whatever you want to call what I do. It just so happens that I get as good of a workout - if not better - when I do my salsa walking (which, admittedly, is very little salsa and much more just dance walking) than when I run/jog/trot/*insert large lumbering adjective here.

And so it is for that reason, and maybe because I love you people, that I make these sort of sacrifices. You know, the videos. And boy, I totally went for it today. 60 minutes of unadulted (because it was completely non-adult of me in every way) questionably atheletic activity, forever ingrained in the fibers of the interwebs.

SIXTY minutes people! Six zero! I had to make up for all the running I didn't do last week on account of all the crappy rainy weather we had.

This #fatgirlrunning is having none of that inclement weather bs.

And so here it is. I honestly don't know how I'm going to top some of these videos. They are just too glorious. I'm even going to embarrass the hell out of myself (yes! embarrassment DOES occasionally strike this usually unflappable lass!) as a special shout out to Laura, Mary, Allison, Michelle, Dr. Baner, and any and everyone else who wants to come drive beside me whilst I huff and puff and toss inhalers at me.

These are for you. And I suppose for me. But mostly for you. ;)

It was SO incredibly beautiful out today! Spring, get here already!

As always, a welcome video to this blessed event.

And better late than never, the pre (sort of) run selfie!

So, Orion has this thing where there is some sort of swamp gas/sewer line/death stench the reeks up the town sometimes. It was extra spectacular today.

A little unafraid shimmy right outside the fancy-go-to-eatin' place. The song I'm listening to is "Maghalena" (I don't know why I am putting this link here, cuz ya'all mofos ain't e'en gonna listen) from one of my VERY favorite movies, Dance With Me (By the way, this is one of my VERY VERY favorite scenes from this movie! like, go watch it!).

For all of my coworkers and friends who just LOVE to see me wheeze... You know, I really want to put up a link to the song I was listening to (or maybe even the video...), but - again - ya'all shady cats won't bother listening to it. Trust me, it's so much better than my labored breathing. (Okay, so I put the video anyway. Just to humor myself, of course.)

I always love the way this cross looks in the sunlight. I'm just going to keep posting pictures of it, mkay? And why yes, I AM striking a pose. Just for you.

Nothing like a little Electric Light Orchestra to make any day extra fantastic.

And then this happened. Serendipitously recorded and everything!

So this was fun. I was thinking about how best to go about it and then I just went for it. Breathy, misspoken words and all. Oh, I do SO hope you enjoy.

And here is a wee little tease of my parody "Secret Asian Man". One of my favorites. The parody, not the video.

Okay, now this? THIS... I love so much. This is really what I do, like, pretty much all the time. Onlookers beware, #fatgirlrunning is NOT for the faint of heart.       I'll just be sitting at home awaiting my citation for vulgarity from the good citizens of quaint little Orion. For realsies, go watch The Dan Band. You won't be disappointed. (*Note the clever use of my actual movements in place of the lyrics)

At this point my phone could take no more. I had used all the remaining space. My phone's memory was packed tighter than a can of overstuffed sardines, overburdened with all of these little gems, carefully prepared for you. I know, I know. It's a total Bee Gees song. (A "Tragedy", get it? GET IT? Ugh...) But I think I made good use of my time today. Another beautiful day enjoyed to the utmost, and yet another run/walk/dance/jog gone down in a blaze of glory.



Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Tuesday Trotting - The Abbreviated Version

Hola! 'Tis me again, right on track with my once weekly run. Tuesdays seem to be the witching day for me and my desire to hit the streets. I mean, it used to be Friday or Saturday nights you know. Out on the corner. Doing... NOTHING.

I never had my own corner.

ANYhoo... So yes. YES! I did get out for a wee little run. Nothing as impressive as last Wednesday, but I made my child wait on me whilst* I squeezed this little 20 minute run in. On a positive note, part of the reason I had so little time was because I decided to do some light housework.

I know, I know. You're all like "Get BACK, honkey cat!" But I'm Rosa Parks over here. No, I'm not a dead black woman. This is a reference back to my first Cockney phrase: Rosa Parks = totes serious. Just... it's a thing. Move along.

But I've taken too long! I'm keeping you in limbo, denying you what you have no doubt come to crave. I shall do so no longer.

Here it is! Fat Girl Running... take 4!

As expected, the pre-run selfie!

I haven't run this way before. This doesn't look like anything could pop out of it at all...

So I love listening to The Dan Band, especially the ABBA Medley. Especially when I run.

Yes, I'm still singing Dan Band. Trying to keep it chill whilst* I pass fellow Orionites.

This would be really scenic if it wasn't all gloomy, grim and death-y.

Wow. This has been a super boring run. What a total zero... *snicker

Man, I want a tire swing!

Okay, now here is where it gets good. So what you have to do is play The Stray Cat Strut along with watching my video. It's better that way. Really makes you feel like you are right there with me. And it helps to drown out the huffing and puffing accompanying my undeniably sweet moves. (At about 1:28 on the Stray Cat's video is what I'm dancing to)


Yes, I have issues.

This is how dedicated I was to my mini-run. I didn't even have socks! But I said "No, Heather. NO. You will run today. You WILL run!"

And run I did! Only about 1.42 miles. Pretty wusstastic. But there is always tomorrow! And you can bet I'll be back.

Until next time...


(*I've decided to make it my mission to bring the word 'whilst' back into regular use. Prepare yourselves.)

Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Winded Wednesday!

I really liked the Tuesday Trotting title (alliteration!), but since I went running again today - AGAIN, I tell you! - I had to come up with another mellifluous moniker.

Welcome to Winded Wednesday!

Now that I've got my #videojogography in full effect, this is getting more and more fun (for me) and entertaining (for me). And it's an accurate first-hand look into my world and my mind's ADOLAS - Attention Deficit Oh-Look-A-Squirrel!

I love running outside because I LOVE nature. Clouds, trees, critters, the weird things I see on the ground or in the spaces around me. For this reason (and matters directly related to ADOLAS) I have discovered that I can almost assuredly never successfully run on a treadmill. I get bored and discouraged way too easily running on an endlessly rolling belt.

Armed with my childlike wonder and my ever-observant, keen eye I have become thoroughly infatuated with snapchatting my runs (Thanks, Amy!) through the magic of videojogography.

Which brings me to today. This is my 3rd time in... 8 days! Woofrickinhoo! I think I'm finally onto something here.

#Fatgirlrunning. Episode 3. Check it out!

Why yes, yes I am going to go running in this. #totescray


 Pretty sure this is the only vid with no singing, For that I'm terribly sorry.


How appropriate that when my own air supply is so desperately important that Air Supply should appear on my playlist. It just goes to show that there's never a bad time for Air Supply.


Glad this is all ahead of me. I'm too darn sweet - I'd melt!


Just one of those #AHA moments. And here is a special shoutout to my friend Nikhil. This one's for you!


Sky Duck! Or... Pterodactyl? Dragon? What do YOU see?


I am almost physically incapable of NOT taking pictures of the sky. I am in love with clouds!


Ok fine. So I didn't have a loaded six string on my back. But I was walkin' (mostly running) these streets, and I'm pretty sure I was playin' for keeps. HELL yes.


Am I the only one that regularly sees shapes, figures and scenes in clouds?


These pictures don't do this lovely evening justice. I really do like living in a small town.


Gargoyles! In Orion! (We needs them, Precious!)


Nearing the end. It's less about the need for speed and more about the need to pee.


Nearing the end selfie! #youwishyoulookedthisgood


Is that the moon? How fucking long have I been running???


 Sweet release! It's so very, very close!


Oh my god, it's the end!!!

I thought I'd never see you again, Ground Outside My Apartment Building! Now if only I can get back up off your sweet, welcoming embrace...

... you know, or not.

El fin! Stay tuned for Episode 4.



Tuesday Trotting

So today I ran again. Woohoo! I mean, it's been a week between runs (remember my last post about my first recent run?) but hey, I am on a roll here. And I mean more than a cinnamon roll.

I'm still not fast. But I am thoroughly enjoying this whole snapchat-my-way-through-my-run thing I've started. It reminds me of that Zooey Deschanel movie where she takes people on a photography jog. But, you know, this is just me.

I went 2 miles this time. TWO! Still slow as hell, but still with the forward moving, up & down motion often known as 'running'.

So I decided an introductory video was in order. Obviously, right?


Who listens to this music? What kind of creature am I???

I'm clearly enjoying this videojogography way too much.


I am running the same route as last week, because here's the cross again. I just love the way it looks when the sun hits it, even when the sun is barely shining.


Pretty scenery!

Annnd it's official. I have the oddest running playlist in the history of ever.


No explanation needed.





This is a preview of my Salsa Walking. I can't imagine why I have yet to convince anyone to come join me in this venture. More like ADventure! Am I right?

There you have it. Me in all my glory, doing that thing I do oh-so...sort of well. But I'm doing it! Because I am...
...Fat Girl Runnin!

Tuesday, March 8, 2016

Sweet lil 8lb 5oz baby jesus...

So I decided today was the day. Actually, I've done that several days recently. But today - this glorious, beautiful day - I made it THE day.

I got off my lazy butt and turned once again into the superhero of my yesteryear.

I am... FGR. Fat Girl Running! Able to leap tall buildings in a single...nope. Faster than a speeding...tortoise! Yes! Definitely that.

I know you are all desperately proud of me. You probably wish you could have been with me today to share this joyous occasion (that's one of the reasons I love you all so much).

Well guess what??? You CAN share it with me! Because I wasted precious energy and battery life snapchatting my good friend Amy all about it!

So... Here ya go. FGR's illustrious return to the urban landscape. Uh, rural landscape. You know, whatever. Just have a looksee.

This is me just starting out. That's my apartment building in the background!
(If you look closely, you might even be able to make out the
delicate flapping of the ripped window screen...)

I am SO feeling the gorgeousness of this day! Just LOOK at the sunlight beaming on my face!

But seriously. It's time for a for real pre-run selfie.

Ok. I'm totes serious now. I'm even captioning and everything! This is IT!
Annnd reality has reared its spiteful, ugly head.

Again, not for the first time in my life, I question my decision-making skills.
Now I'm throwing in random song lyrics according to what's playing on my
Pandora 80's throwback station...
Oh hey, what's that smell? *sniff
Fresh country air? *looks around

"Sweet lil 8lb, 5 oz, baby jesus, all wrapped up in yer little swaddling clothes, watching yer Baby Einstein videos, learning all about yer colors and yer shapes..."
Why, exactly, did I decide I needed to go for a run again?
Again with the regret!
Help me, police! Help me, Sting!

So not attractive. Please don't stare directly at the rhythmic motion of my corpulent midsection. I can't be held responsible for what might result.

I might be dying. But hey... you're never too dead to sing. Amiright???
And there you have it, folks.
I ran for... 23ish minutes? My Pandora was being a sissy whiner and kept shutting off because I was running on the last bit of juice my phone could muster. It teased me with a snippet of Brown Eyed Girl, followed by a taste of the above karaoked You're the Inspiration, and finally - not to be outdone (by whom I have no idea) the tiniest bit of Journey's Don't Stop Believin'. And just when I decided that I would, in fact, NOT stop believin'... my phone shut off. Sonofamotherlessgoat. At that point my brain proceeded to play my Rocket by Def Leppard - my "Power Song", according to my iPod nano, and I powered through the last few feet of my run.
I did it! And I did not die! I had ended at the park, however, where my unfortunately ever-present, #fkncatshoes loving ex and his mother were chilling with his kids. Hoping the water fountains had been turned on for the season (because this fat girl was parched!) (they weren't), I took a nice, inconspicuous stroll through the park, undetected by the oblivious duo. Having escaped with only the slightest pang of irritation at having had to cross paths with them I headed home. Where I flopped spread eagle on the lawn in front of my building.
Yay me!!!
I went and clocked my route with my car, and as it turns out (or as my lying car would have me believe) I ran about 1.7 miles! Not bad for having done nothing exceptionally aerobic in 6 or so months.
Yay again! And here's to another day of fantastically non-speedy running that will hopefully keep me moving ridiculously slowly toward my fitness goals and dreams of eventual weight loss.